"The Same Feelings They All Once Shared"

     I recall I was home on a pass from Fort Monroe, Virginia, in June, having returned from Vietnam in March. I was killing some time sitting in the living room of my parents house while waiting for a friend to stop by and pick me up. The cover and banner of the magazine drew my attention to the article.

     Don't ask me to summarize the article for you, I can not remember the details of the accompanying stories. What I do vividly recall to this day were all the photographs of the faces. Some were smiling while others had that unmistakable stare of those that had at one time faced death and survived, a look every war veteran could spot immediately.

     Even that early after having returned home from Vietnam I was already trying to push my mixed feelings about the war to the background. I had only 4 months left on my enlistment and was stationed in the states for the first time in 23 months in the Army. I went over as a volunteer full of optimism and returned home in doubt about the chances of success in the effort.

     My change from optimism to doubt was not influenced by any specific or cumulative political or social events occurring at home during my tour. They were caused by my experiences in Vietnam. Not of the people of Vietnam but the political and military approach to the war...the confusion.

     Reading the article and especially looking at all those faces on the pages brought it all to the surface once again. All the things that effected my being while in Vietnam. The loneliness, heat, mud, rain, smells, brief friendships, adrenaline rushes, boredom, fear and again the confusion. The same feelings they all once shared.

     I was home and safe, 21 years old and again enjoying the good times. Back on the block with my friends and family, none of them ever asking about "the war." I was waiting for my enlistment to end and planning a future career in law enforcement. This was a time of no hardships, no fears, no confusion, I slept good every night. They were all dead, so many faces staring at me from a magazine page. I couldn't help but to think that maybe if we had done a better job some of them might still be alive? Did the confusion have anything to do with their deaths? I felt a sense of deep guilt, frustration and anger because I wasn't there to help them, even though I knew it wouldn't have made a bit of difference.

CPL Thomas T. Watson, B Company, 720th MP Battalion, March 1968 to March 1969.